A new trend called “pebbling” is beginning to crack the emotional barriers between parents and their teenage children.
Inspired by the courtship rituals of gentoo penguins in Antarctica, who present pebbles to their mates as a sign of their desire to build a nest together, “pebbling” in the human world refers to small tokens of affection. This can be memes, GIFs, or social media videos sent to friends and loved ones to brighten their day.
Impact of Pebbling
For parents wondering why their kids are constantly sharing memes and videos, experts explain that pebbling has become a way to connect, strengthen interactions, and show affection. Cameron Caswell, PhD, an adolescent psychologist, highlights the dual benefits of this trend. “When you perform a kind act, your brain releases dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure, motivation, and reinforcement.” This surge of dopamine happens not just for the receiver but also for the sender, fostering a positive feedback loop of kindness and connection.
Caswell also notes that witnessing the joy on a recipient’s face after a thoughtful gesture releases oxytocin in the brain, fostering trust, empathy, and bonding. “This cycle of kindness can significantly improve the emotional connection between parents and their teens,” she says.
Aly Resnick, LMHC, LPC, ACS, owner of Tree of Life Counseling Center in New Jersey, explains that traditional love languages may not resonate as strongly with neurodivergent individuals. Instead, acts like ‘info dumping’ and parallel play can be significant forms of affection. “These actions may appear simple but are thoughtful and demonstrate unique insight into their loved one’s interests,” she says.
Resnick cautions that excessive pebbling could lead to misunderstandings or feelings of overwhelm. “In a ‘perfect’ situation, both the giver and receiver understand the meaning behind the gesture and feel appreciated,” she says. “However, it’s important to understand the love languages of those you care about to avoid miscommunication.”
Parents and the ‘pebbles’
For parents looking to strengthen their bond with their teens, Dr. Caswell offers practical tips for incorporating pebbling into their interactions. She categorizes pebbling into three types: digital pebbles, real-world pebbles, and experience pebbles.
Digital pebbles – Send funny memes, TikToks, or YouTube videos that align with your teen’s interests. Add a quick, personalized message to show you’re thinking of them.
Real-world pebbles – Leave heartfelt notes, post-it messages on mirrors, or pack a favorite snack with a quick note. Consider leaving new books or art supplies with a note encouraging creativity.
Experience pebbles – Engage in activities together, such as watching a Netflix movie or going on a spontaneous coffee or ice cream run.
Remember to respect boundaries and understand that not all gestures may be perceived as intended. With patience and creativity, pebbling can become a cherished part of your relationship with your teen.
Source
What Is ‘Pebbling’ and Why Are Teens Doing It?
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