SINGAPORE: A Singaporean woman felt disheartened when her father told her and her sibling, “You two are my insurance. I paid for you when you were young, so now it’s your turn.”
Now in her late 20s, she shared on Reddit’s Singapore FI forum that her father, who currently earns $3,000 to $4,000 a month, had already expressed his intention to retire, enjoy life, and spend his money on daily Grab rides, lavish meals, and gambling.
However, she struggled to understand how this plan could work, given that her father had wiped out his CPF Ordinary Account, wouldn’t be able to pay the house mortgage if he left his job, and cancelled all his insurance policies 10 years ago.
“He doesn’t even have a basic hospitalization plan. And now, with high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and high sugar levels, no insurer will cover him,” she wrote.
When she and her sibling confronted their father about his retirement plans, he told them it was their duty to support him financially.
She admitted that this new responsibility was particularly distressing for her because, although her father provided for them during their childhood, her mother took over all financial responsibilities from age 16, while her father spent freely on his own interests.
“I’m struggling to process this. It feels like he’s just checked out of his responsibilities and dumped them on us,” she expressed.
“I’m not sure how to respect a man who refuses to plan for his future and puts his family in this position. At the same time, he’s my dad, and I feel this unspoken obligation to help when things eventually fall apart.”
Feeling conflicted about the situation, she asked the Reddit community for guidance.
“How do I reconcile with him? How do I let go of this resentment? I don’t want to feel this way, but I’m so frustrated and disappointed,” she said.
“If anyone has gone through something similar, I’d really appreciate hearing how you managed,” she added.
“My father told me the exact same thing, too: ‘I am old and I want to enjoy life…’”
In the discussion thread, many Singaporean Redditors chimed in to say they were in the same boat as the woman. A few even commented that they had no idea so many kids in the country were dealing with the same issues.
One Redditor shared, “My father told me the same thing, too: ‘I am old and I want to enjoy life.’ This dude gambled away his condo and didn’t do much for me my entire life when he was rich.
I told him that’s a fantastic idea, but if you need anything in the future, please don’t contact me, as I have already told him multiple times that $150K ain’t enough for retirement; he is only in his early 60s.”
Another wrote, “I faced something similar to this years back and moved out after numerous quarrels and disagreements with my family. Looking back, I never regretted my decision and wished I had done so sooner.”
Others were shocked that the father referred to his children as ‘insurance.’ One Redditor said, “Wow, calling you his insurance means he simply sees you as a product or extension of himself and not a whole being with your own agency.”
Additionally, some Redditors told the woman that reconciling with her father wasn’t necessary. They explained that she didn’t have to feel obligated to fix things if she wasn’t ready, especially given how he had handled his financial responsibilities.
However, if she and her sibling still chose to offer help, they could do so in a way that safeguarded their finances.
One Redditor suggested, “Whatever you and your sibling have budgeted to give your father, suggest you try and put it in his Medisave account first, and when that hits BHS, put it in his CPF Retirement Account.
This way, he cannot just spend it all away and cannot accuse his children of not giving him anything. The side benefit is that you guys could probably get some tax relief out of it.”
In other news, a woman took to Reddit to share that her 78-year-old mum still complains despite receiving S$1,900 from her every month.
In her post on r/askSingapore, the woman explained that in addition to the S$1,900, she gives her mum each month to cover expenses like home broadband, the helper’s salary, electricity bills, and her insurance premium; her mum also receives financial support from her two siblings.
“She spends money on household stuff for my dad (84) and helper. She gets more allowance from my other siblings. I’m not sure why she is always asking for more,” she wrote.
Featured image by Depositphotos (for illustration purposes only)
